Today would have been my father's 78 th birthday. I marked it on my calendar and receive a reminder every year. It's not that a need a reminder to remember his birthday; I set it to remind me to call my mother on this special day.
My mother is a very sentimental woman; and being such, it hurts her feelings if no one mentions our father on his birthday. Every February 3rd since 1991 I have called my mother.
Over the past couple of years I noticed a change in our conversations on this day. Prior to two years ago I did not have to mention why I made the call. Then, two years ago when I had to remind my mother that it was my father's birthday I began to worry. I did not worry about her memory, I already knew about her condition. I began to become concerned if I should continue to make the calls and remind her of what she had forgotten.
It was always a difficult phone call for me to make. Something I do not enjoy; but I never did it for me, only for her. Now days my mother has difficulty keeping up with not only the day of the year but the season of the year. So I am certain, yet again, she will have forgotten today's special meaning. Additionally, I am certain that if I tell her it's my father's birthday, she will forget again before the day is done. Is it worth it? I honestly don't know.
So do I call and bring up my father? I guess I will cross that bridge here shortly. I will call no matter what of course. I am just not sure if bringing up my father these days is more hurtful or soothing.
Alzheimer's is such a tricky disease to navigate. I feel constantly on edge, affraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Currently I feel like I only get it right about 60% of the time.
Anyway, I am watching the clock and waiting for her to finish her lunch so I can call and check in on her.
I will recieve another reminder on the 12th, the day my father passed away. I am quite certain I will have this same queasiness in the pit of my stomach again...
