Being
the child of a parent with Alzheimer's is a difficult role. You respect
your parents. You have been honed and conditioned to follow their
directives your whole life. So when a parent tells you to let them handle
something; the automatic response tends to be to fall in line and do as you’re
told.
So... I walk into my mom's home on Friday and it is 85 degrees in her apartment. Her air conditioning is not working and she is determined not to let us help her deal with it. The hard part was getting it through her head that the temperature was a health concern. She did not want to go to management to have them fix it. She said they would not be there to fix it, she said she wished we would just let her deal with it, she said she did not want us causing her problems, she said we would not understand. She said many many things.
I don't know where the irrational fear of going to the apartment management to fix the problems in the apartment came from; but once my husband put his foot down and told her she could walk over to the manager’s office with us or we would go and talk to her ourselves; she gave in. She did drag her feet, it took forever for her to find her keys to lock the door. That is typical now days; however, we had to keep reminding her she was looking for her keys. She spoke to every individual and introduced us to each person. After someone told her the mail was already there she went out and got it; but had forgotten why we had walked to the building.
The manager was very understanding and said she would call the maintenance man back to take a look at the air conditioner. I also mentioned something was wrong with the ceiling fan that the chain would not pull to allow it to go on. She very nicely said she would take care of it. I told her we were taking my mom for an ice cream to cool off but would be back within an hour.
She had many instances of memory slips while getting ice cream but nothing too concerning or out of the norm for her lately. She was unaware of what time it was even after already being told and there was a conversation about blue ice cream that was repeated a number of times, but these are things we deal with daily. And, when we got back to the apartment the maintenance guy was there fixing the AC and took care of the ceiling fan. Things were looking up.
I asked if there was anything else we could help her with and she mentioned she had some light bulbs on the counter so she must need a light bulb replaced. They were 3-way bulbs so I began looking at the lamps. It took me a minute to realize the problem was not the bulbs.
Sometime during my mother's life she developed an irrational fear of storms. Fearing that lighting would burn the house down. Now, while that could have happened many many years ago. It hardly happens now. Yet, mom has an almost compulsory habit of unplugging everything during a storm. By everything, I mean everything, phones, lamps, all the cords on the back of the computer, everything. We took all the cords to the computer and plugged them into a surge protector, but she does not understand that means she does not need to unplug it. I finally just left the computer unplugged because she would call me weekly telling me it was not working and there was no way to explain to her how to fix it. So now she is paying for internet, but she can't use it. But she swears she does not have an internet bill so it's not a big deal. That's not true of course; it is being drafted from her account but she does not remember that. And so is the problem of having a parent with Alzheimer's and no legal ability to help them. I can't even call and cancel her internet that she does not remember she pays for.
Back to the bulbs...
After changing out the bulb I realized the reason the lamp was not working was because it had been unplugged and the cord had been wrapped around the bottom of the lamp. I asked my husband to check the others and every lamp been unplugged and the cord wrapped around the bottom of the lamps. After fixing the lamp I then realized the phone was not only unplugged from the outlet but also from the phone jack. I had tried to call my mother earlier that day and it rang and rang. So the fact her phone was unplugged explained why I could not reach her.
We have trouble reaching my mom by phone most days. Either she has lost her cell phone or the home phone just rings or she turns off the cell and can't figure out how to turn it back on and lately can't remember she needs to charge a cell phone or what she has done with the charger. In fact, she now has 3 cell phones because when she can't get one to work she assumes it is broken and buys a new one. I asked if she even needed one anymore considering they never work and of course she became defensive that she needs one. But of course it never works; so she is again paying for something she can't use. These are the frustrations of dealing with someone with Alzheimer's.
People with Alzheimer's don't know what they don't know. They can't remember how things work or that they did something and need to undo something. They often think they are fine; they don't see the problems they are having. The ability to understand a situation is limited to about two steps. They don't remember that it is 85 degrees in their home. They will notice over and over again, and check the air over and over again, but they don't get to the next step. To the step where they do something about it. I just happened to catch her in this problem this time. I happen to know this has happened at least twice before and last summer it was days before she had it fixed.
I tell these snipets to help other's understand they need to help their parents prepare for when they might not remember they have a bill that needs paying or one that needs canceling. It is important to help them prepare for the unknown. It is important that you prepare for the unknown when it comes to your own family.
So... I walk into my mom's home on Friday and it is 85 degrees in her apartment. Her air conditioning is not working and she is determined not to let us help her deal with it. The hard part was getting it through her head that the temperature was a health concern. She did not want to go to management to have them fix it. She said they would not be there to fix it, she said she wished we would just let her deal with it, she said she did not want us causing her problems, she said we would not understand. She said many many things.
I don't know where the irrational fear of going to the apartment management to fix the problems in the apartment came from; but once my husband put his foot down and told her she could walk over to the manager’s office with us or we would go and talk to her ourselves; she gave in. She did drag her feet, it took forever for her to find her keys to lock the door. That is typical now days; however, we had to keep reminding her she was looking for her keys. She spoke to every individual and introduced us to each person. After someone told her the mail was already there she went out and got it; but had forgotten why we had walked to the building.
The manager was very understanding and said she would call the maintenance man back to take a look at the air conditioner. I also mentioned something was wrong with the ceiling fan that the chain would not pull to allow it to go on. She very nicely said she would take care of it. I told her we were taking my mom for an ice cream to cool off but would be back within an hour.
She had many instances of memory slips while getting ice cream but nothing too concerning or out of the norm for her lately. She was unaware of what time it was even after already being told and there was a conversation about blue ice cream that was repeated a number of times, but these are things we deal with daily. And, when we got back to the apartment the maintenance guy was there fixing the AC and took care of the ceiling fan. Things were looking up.
I asked if there was anything else we could help her with and she mentioned she had some light bulbs on the counter so she must need a light bulb replaced. They were 3-way bulbs so I began looking at the lamps. It took me a minute to realize the problem was not the bulbs.
Sometime during my mother's life she developed an irrational fear of storms. Fearing that lighting would burn the house down. Now, while that could have happened many many years ago. It hardly happens now. Yet, mom has an almost compulsory habit of unplugging everything during a storm. By everything, I mean everything, phones, lamps, all the cords on the back of the computer, everything. We took all the cords to the computer and plugged them into a surge protector, but she does not understand that means she does not need to unplug it. I finally just left the computer unplugged because she would call me weekly telling me it was not working and there was no way to explain to her how to fix it. So now she is paying for internet, but she can't use it. But she swears she does not have an internet bill so it's not a big deal. That's not true of course; it is being drafted from her account but she does not remember that. And so is the problem of having a parent with Alzheimer's and no legal ability to help them. I can't even call and cancel her internet that she does not remember she pays for.
Back to the bulbs...
After changing out the bulb I realized the reason the lamp was not working was because it had been unplugged and the cord had been wrapped around the bottom of the lamp. I asked my husband to check the others and every lamp been unplugged and the cord wrapped around the bottom of the lamps. After fixing the lamp I then realized the phone was not only unplugged from the outlet but also from the phone jack. I had tried to call my mother earlier that day and it rang and rang. So the fact her phone was unplugged explained why I could not reach her.
We have trouble reaching my mom by phone most days. Either she has lost her cell phone or the home phone just rings or she turns off the cell and can't figure out how to turn it back on and lately can't remember she needs to charge a cell phone or what she has done with the charger. In fact, she now has 3 cell phones because when she can't get one to work she assumes it is broken and buys a new one. I asked if she even needed one anymore considering they never work and of course she became defensive that she needs one. But of course it never works; so she is again paying for something she can't use. These are the frustrations of dealing with someone with Alzheimer's.
People with Alzheimer's don't know what they don't know. They can't remember how things work or that they did something and need to undo something. They often think they are fine; they don't see the problems they are having. The ability to understand a situation is limited to about two steps. They don't remember that it is 85 degrees in their home. They will notice over and over again, and check the air over and over again, but they don't get to the next step. To the step where they do something about it. I just happened to catch her in this problem this time. I happen to know this has happened at least twice before and last summer it was days before she had it fixed.
I tell these snipets to help other's understand they need to help their parents prepare for when they might not remember they have a bill that needs paying or one that needs canceling. It is important to help them prepare for the unknown. It is important that you prepare for the unknown when it comes to your own family.
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