Letting Go...

I have been trying to figure out what I  would write about tonight.

I am heart broken for my mom. I feel like I came in and pulled a rug out from under her.  When I arrived Saturday she had a storage unit full of memories. She had a car. She had a post office box she had proudly been the occupant of for over 55 years. She had control over her bank account and her doctor, and as of today, all of that is gone.

I know as sure as I am breathing all of this was necessary. I know her neighbors are safer.  I know she is safer. But I don't want this sort of power over her life. I love my mom and would give anything to have the woman who passed her Statistics class with all "A's" and graduated with honors in my life. She is still my mother and I love her dearly.

I know God has been in control this week. I have done all I can to help her come to terms with her situation. She still lives in a lovely community and is  going to need her friends desperately.  Her home is clean and as long as she takes her meds and can manage her refrigerator; I am mostly ok with her staying where she lives. I just pray when I leave on Saturday she does not just fall apart with all of the changes.

I hated her giving up the mail box though. Honestly, I think it hurt me as much as it did her.  I followed her to the car with tears in my eyes. Helping a person you love with Alzheimer's is like pulling off a bandaid a millimeter at a time and stopping to dab on  alcohol  in between each tug. It's not fair to her or the ones whom love her.   

I just wish there were a kinder way to grow old than to loose the faculties one acquires in the first three fourths of their life.

Anyway, I am closing off tonight with a heavy heart. I desperately want to be home with my family but just can't abandon my mom yet. I hope tomorrow she is more accepting of not having a car. She mentioned leasing one and I just changed the subject.  I hope her friends will not encourage this. Her car had scrapes and bumps and damage on every corner, before it went in to the shop and found it was not worth fixing. The last thing she needs now is a new car.

Pray for my mom if you are reading this. Pray for me that I can do what us needed and best for her.