WHY, Because...

I know many will ask "Why?” Why would I start a blog about my family dealing with my mother's Alzheimer's?  Why would I want to put our personal life out for public review? Why would anyone else care about what we are having to endure? Why, Why, Why?

The answer I have is both selfish and selfless...

Because I need a place to let out all I am feeling; and because I know I am not the only one having to face this same situation and they need to know they are not alone.

I have learned so much about this process and still feel like I know nothing. Every person's experience with Alzheimer's is different. I would love to be able to say; everything is going to be just fine. Everything works out for the best; and doing the correct thing is just part of dealing with Alzheimer's. The truth is; no one gets out of this unscathed.

Those who have the disease become angry, paranoid and lost. Those that love them become hurt and frustrated.  Roles reverse, the sick can no longer make decision for themselves.  The young have to take over for their parents.

Some people are willing to accept what is happening to them and prepare for the inevitable. I expect some of those people typically are still married and have a partner willing to push things along.  They take care of  Power's of Attorney, Wills, and plans; yet when the time comes they lean on other's to help.

Other people early in life make decisions that protect them later in life. These are very proactive people who believe in taking care of their responsibilities.  They don't want to be a burden on others and they don't want others making choices for them before they are ready.  These people will contact an attorney and have the necessary forms drawn up so not only their own lives are protected but those of their descendants as well.

But what of those who do not live with a partner to help them make decisions?  What happens when a person lives alone and their mind begins to slip?  What happens when a person is very private and secretive? Those people and their families often find themselves in an uncomfortable situation. There may come a time when the family is faced with a decision to remove their loved ones rights.

Eventually, most people with Alzheimer's have a tendency to become paranoid, and difficult. They feel like they are being lied to, stolen from and their freedoms taken away.  There is no easy way to rationalize with them.  They can't remember from minute to minute what they have agreed to and what they have not. They become very vulnerable and that is when the family must choose to step in and take over.

Hopefully somehow families managed to be able to prepare for this time so that transitions are easier for all involved.  But what happens if the person with Alzheimer's refuses to give up control and refuses to protect themselves and their loved ones?  That is when the family must sue the person for the right to manage their affairs for them.

This is why it is so very important that families talk about the stuff no one wants to ever discuss. This is why powers of attorney both medical and business must be signed.  No one wants to take a parent to court, to serve them with papers that say they believe the person is no longer capable or trustworthy with their own affairs. But that is exactly what will have to happen. In order to be able to enter a parents place of residence, pay their bills, turn on or off the electricity, manage their life insurance, sell their car; a Guardianship must be established and if that was not done via a Power of Attorney, then the court system is the only way to gain those rights.

So here I sit; blogging about the worst decision I have ever been faced with.  Do I serve my mother with papers to remove her rights to manage her own life?  And the only answer I have is; she has given me no other choice. Even if she was to say today she wants to put herself in a nursing home; I still could not pay her bills or manage her affairs legally.

I have spoken to family, and we all agree it's time. I have spoken to doctors, to lawyers to nursing homes, to insurance agents, to anyone I think might possibly lead me to any other recourse. Every conversation leads me back to the same conclusion. I just have to buck up and do it.