Inevitably there will come a day the person who will be in charge of making decisions and the person having the memory problems collide. The best suggestion I have for you is to bring back up, be prepared to stand your ground and take a walk when you need one.
It is helpful if your back up can make suggestions like, You need to have someone on your accounts because you may need a bill paid and are unable to pay it." Or "We put our children on all our accounts because it will be easier when we need help."
It is helpful if you can get them into the doctors office and have the Dr. tell you what is going on with them and that they need help. Helpful but not easy. I have been trying to get my mother to sign a HIPPA form so others can know what is wrong for over 5 years. Today, we just made it happen. My aunt and uncle were there to help push things along and to give my mom a reason to not make a scene. When you see the doctor, It is helpful to ask questions to the doctor about options and suggestions. But you must remember your job is not to save them, but help protect them. I felt so bad for my mom having to be told these things in front of me; but appreciated the respectful and matter-of-fact way he did it. Needless to say since the apt. was at 8:45am it set a difficult tone for the day; but I knew we needed to use the momentum to ferry things forward.
It is also helpful to ask questions in a way so the staff that can help you, will understand what is going in, and help accomplish what ever goal you have that day. I appreciated the lady at the bank following my lead.
Q: "If she does not have anyone on her accounts how will they be able to help her pay her bills?"
A: "She would have to come down with them."
Q: "And if she is incapacitated?"
A "They would have to get a power of atty; but that can take a while and the bills would not get paid."
Q: "So we can pay to go to an attorney or she can let me sign the card for free?"
A: "Yes, that's correct."
This was really hard. She made it known she did not want me taking any of her money. And I let her know, I did not need her money. I was only doing what her doctor said we needed to do. It hurt that she would even suggest it; but that is the disease. I can forgive for such a horrible attitude.
My mom hated this, and was very upset about it, but she hates to make a scene worse than she hated letting me sign the card. Sometimes their fear can be used as a negotiating tool.
Needless to say, I had to bring up the doctors apt. a few times today for her to understand what needed to happen was going to happen. And, there was a moment I went for a walk. I needed to collect myself and remember why I was doing all of this. But by the time we picked up the boxes from storage to go through tonight, she had forgotten most of what happened today. She became lost in happier memories and happier times.
Well since I have been up as of 4:45am and it is now midnight I should try and get some sleep. I have to finagle a trip alone to the car repair place and the attorney's office without my mother being with me. That is going to be tricky. But my sister and I have a plan that should work.
I will be glad if we can still get the POA's; but mostly shocked.
No comments:
Post a Comment