This week has been trying for both mom and me; but I know no matter how hard it has been for me, it has been harder on her. I had a week, a taste of what my mother deals with on a daily basis; but she will never be able to leave it behind. If you would like to get just an inkling of knowledge on what it is like to have Alzheimer's this video may help. Living with -Alzheimer's After this week I realize it won't be long before my mother is to the same level the woman in the video is.
My mother has the ringing in her ears. Motion can confuse her. Noises startle her to the point of panic. She often can't follow simple directions even if it is only giving her two choices. She wants help, she needs it simple. She appreciates when it's done for her, as long as she does not know it was done for her.
An example of this is... I reordered her medication today. I did so without telling her. When we arrived at the store she was instantly frustrated when I told her it was the end of the month and time to get the meds. She argued she did not know what she took. I suggested she give her name and have them look it up. The clerk smiled and said, yes, it's ready. With a big smile she said, "Oh it is, well great!" So relieved she did not have to do more to get her meds. I then watched her wander the store looking confused picking something here or there to take home. I noticed as long as she is a bit engaged in conversation she does better. But it was hard for me to know what to help her to choose. Earlier, we were at What-a-burger and it took suggesting what to get to help her to make a decision for herself. Hints, suggestions, a slow pace is the best way to help her. Speaking slow and calmly. Speaking quickly is only confusing and if you have to repeat what you said it is difficult for her to keep up.
I learned quickly this week it is best to handle her by leading questions and suggestions. But this can be very scary because she is so suggestive. I do my best to help her to feel in control. That too can be very difficult to manage.
I am not even sure what this post is about. I guess just how to help her best. I'm hoping her friends read it and utilize the knowledge. I know she is well loved and they only want what is best.
The best thing for my mom is assisted living and NOT driving. I was able to get her car away from her this week. A God thing for sure! It was acting up when I got to her home and just was not worth fixing. But with all the changes she went through this week; I could not take the apartment too. Her friends can help suggest and share their good stories about assisted living. Not push or make her feel helpless. I would like the move to be her choice if possible.
I have heard Sterling House is amazing and they even have activities. My mother is familiar with Heritage Oaks. They are both on my call list for next week. I still need Power of Attorney over her affairs to ensure she not make any terrible irrevocable choices. It will be a long 17 days for me. If she mentions going to Edward Jones, redirect her and change the subject. The last thing she needs is a new car.
I write this as I sit across from her going through a lifetime of memories in a box. Hard to believe a lifetime a accomplishments could fit in a box; but honestly it has taken a trash bin to hold them all this week. She has picked out a precious few wonderful memories to keep. However, most of them are about my dad. Everything else I am taking to my home.
I can tell who my mom's friends are; they are the precious few whom have reached out to me this week. And I love them for it. She certainly has those whom care and have expressed their concerns; but these few I will hold in my heart because they love my mom.
My Dad once told me something that became clearer to me as I grew older. "Don't be surprised if you get to my age and can only count your real friends on one hand, and at least two of them are family." I think this holds true for my mom. She is loved by many, no doubt. Almost too loved considering how many feel somehow they are betraying her. But what they don't really understand is she is much happier when she is being helped.
Well, I'm signing off now. I need to try and work out a schedule and a call list. But I want you ladies, and you know whom you are, to know I appreciate you more than words can express. Thank you for being one of her five. Call me if you need me.
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